Whenever I discuss the topic of shyness, someone always asks me (Does shyness mean low self-esteem?) And my sure and unequivocal answer is always (No).

Shyness and self-esteem are related to each other because shyness seems to be a very important part of a person's sense of self - that is, the individual considers himself shy rather than being a person who feels shy or experiences shyness - and also because one gives shyness a certain connotation which, as we know, has a negative connotation. Although I think this is not a fair judgment, few shy people like to be called shy, and everyone tries not to show signs of shyness in hopes of having a better life. Therefore, many people think that shyness means low self-esteem or lack of self-confidence.

But this is not true. Extroverts do not have a monopoly on high levels of self-esteem, and low levels of self-esteem are not exclusive to shy people. Where you can be shy and have high, medium, normal or low self-esteem, and you can also be extraverted and have all these levels of self-esteem.

But frankly, I'm not interested in the subject of self-esteem, although I encourage people to look at themselves and their abilities positively. And while I know parents worry about raising their children's self-esteem, empty compliments (You're a very special person!) and reinforcement phrases (You're a superstar) won't help any child. Children, like adults, should be praised for what they deserve. (I will talk about this in more detail later.) While I don't care too much about self-esteem, I am interested in the topic of self-awareness and the ability to see oneself objectively and appreciate all the complex, amazing, and wonderful aspects of one's personality. I've found that shy people often lack this kind of self-awareness, because instead of seeing shyness as just one aspect of their personality, they're shy. They allow shyness to cloud their sense of self - and they do so in a negative way.

For example, let's see the case of Lindsey on her first day in the third grade as an example of what we said. Now it is known that the first day of school is usually difficult for everyone, not just for shy kids like Lindsey, and the teachers understand that and overlook most of the symptoms of stress such as sweaty palms, trembling voice, stomachaches - all of which she had (Lindsey). And while she was trapped in all these symptoms, and felt that this condition would last throughout the entire school year, and that the teacher did not love her as much as her peers, the more self-aware child would understand that these symptoms will pass with time, that they happen often, and they will not last with him long.

What I would suggest to Lindsey's parents is to talk to her about her fears in a casual way, they should make her realize that there is nothing wrong with feeling a little nervous in new situations, since all of her classmates probably also felt a little low in self-confidence. They should also remind her that she was nervous when she moved to the second grade, too, and that she got over that feeling quickly, and they should tell her stories about experiences they had when they were afraid, ashamed, or uncomfortable - on the first day at the new job, or when they were in party and they don't know many of the invitees. In the end, they can tell her that they always struggled on the first day of school, too.

All of these discussions will increase Lindsey's self-awareness, help her understand why she's feeling and what she can do to feel better. Furthermore, Lindsey and her parents create a model of empathy and mutual communication that has proven to be very beneficial. So when Lindsey feels a little stressed about the challenges of adolescence, she will be able to ask her parents questions for advice and support, and her parents will be able to communicate with her with love and respect.