Go into any library and you will undoubtedly notice the amount of books related to education. Every year sees the release of new books, full of suggestions on how to raise your boy, and celebrities, psychiatrists, your father-in-law, your neighbors, your friends, that is, everyone, have become experts or so they claim. But here's the truth about parenting: You are the expert on your child. Find out everything you can about what matters most and then trust in your own wisdom and knowledge of your son.

Belonging and importance

Most parents have many, many questions. You may be wondering how to help your son sleep through the night and how to use the toilet or dress himself. Maybe you have questions about chores, what's permissible, or schoolwork. Or perhaps you are wondering whether organized mathematics is a good idea or how much time your son should watch television, or whether you should allow him to play electronic games... Before you can address the daily challenges related to raising your son, you must something important happens, which is called a relationship.

Love is not enough

You may think that the most important gift you can give your child is love, but parents often do futile or even harmful things in the name of love. One mother may say, for example: ((I give my children everything they want because I love them)), and another may say: ((I make my children work hard for anything because I love them, because the outside world is cruel)). Parents criticize, punish, and pamper their children, all in the name of love.

Love is rarely the problem in parenting. If you watch your son sleeping in his bed at night, you know how overwhelming that feeling of love is. But love is effective when it is combined with wisdom, effective parenting skills, and the ability to think about the long-term consequences of our decisions. Fortunately, research and experience give us new information almost daily about the best way to raise capable, healthy children.

Pioneers in education

Alfred Adler, MD, and Rudolph Drucker, MD, were among the pioneers in studying and understanding boys' behavior. Dr. Adler is a psychiatrist who lived in Vienna in the time of Freud, but he differed in opinion with his famous colleague on almost all issues. Dr. Drucker, a psychiatrist from Vienna, also started from Adler's teachings and eventually moved to the United States, where in the 1930s he introduced the American public to the idea of teaching education. Dr. Drucker advocated relationships based on mutual respect and found that children need a sense of belonging to and importance to their families more than love alone.

Belonging and importance

Children learn about life in the context of relationships, and their first relationships are considered the most important. Regardless of gender, appearance or talent, all children need to know that they belong to their families and that there is a place for them in them. Children need to know that they are accepted unconditionally and that they are loved, despite their sometimes difficult behavior.

In fact, recent studies indicate that the most important gift a mother or father can give to a child is the feeling that he is loved and accepted unconditionally. Working to build a secure attachment is necessary to raise a happy and healthy child. It seems easy, right? But ask the mother of a bad-tempered and serious three-year-old boy, and she will tell you that it is not always as easy as it seems.

• Facts

Alfred Adler believed in treating children with respect, but he saw that pampering and excessive coquetry hinder education and ultimately lead to social and behavioral problems. Dr. Adler's ideas form the basis of democratic education theories that are today considered the most effective in promoting healthy brain development and strong relationships.

Children need to feel their own importance, that is, to know that they are important no matter what they do or achieve, and that the choices they make in life are important. In fact, Dr. Adler believes that all humans have a desire to connect with the community around them and to give something in return. After the attacks of September 11, 2001 in New York City, children across the country sold lemonade, raised money and made contributions to help New York's children. In most cases, no one asked them to do so, but they wanted to do something useful. This is the feeling of belonging and importance. Children who know that they belong to their families and their world and that they are important in it are more likely to become capable and productive members of their communities.